Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
