just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
