I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
