oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
