I'm really into asian looking animals
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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