Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
