I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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