I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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