Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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