just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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