Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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