If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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