ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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