Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
