i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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