My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
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Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
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I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize