some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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