You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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