I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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