Do you still have your period?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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