NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
