My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
