she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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