Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
