So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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