Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Randomize
