i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
