Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Is it penis luge time yet?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
