even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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