can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
