I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
