Hippo gnu deer
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We smell like vodka and hangover
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