Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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