OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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