Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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