My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
