i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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