Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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