the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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