You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
