I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
