I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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