We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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