i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Randomize
