Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
As shirtless as possible
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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