Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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