i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
