is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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