evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i came on her dog
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
