Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm really busy with my period
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