i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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