i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
