Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
