I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The feeling are messing with the penis
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
