jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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