I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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