Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
