If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Ladies don't puke and tell
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
