You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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