His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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