Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
