First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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