Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize