I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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