I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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