do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize