i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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