so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
its not stalking. its research.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
