she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Text me some of your sweat
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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