i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
