Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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