Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
