I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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