I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize